


Crutchie's Lament

by Irrelevantrelevancy



Series: King Of Manhattan [4]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, No Period Typical Homophobia, because I said so, boys in love?, the answer is simple, they'll get there, why you may ask
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25769086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrelevantrelevancy/pseuds/Irrelevantrelevancy
Summary: "Everyone needs someone""Can you stay? I...I think tonight we both need someone"
Relationships: Crutchie/Finch (Newsies)
Series: King Of Manhattan [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855795
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Crutchie's Lament

“Crutch?”Finch said, “What’re you doin out here?”

It was pretty late, Race had sent everyone to bed a few hours ago. That everyone including Crutchie. The cool fall air nipped at his bare shoulders, he should’ve brought a blanket or somethin, November wasn’t kind to no one. There was no response, he took a step forward to see that the blonde was stock still. He frowned.

“Crutchie”he prompted.

“Hm?”Crutchie said, he hadn’t turned around. Finch took another step forward.

“What’re you doin out here?”He repeated.

“Jus’ thinkin”Crutchie said. 

“Oh you’s thinkin?”He grinned, “The world must be turnin upside down”

Crutchie gives a faint chuckle, sounding more like a harsh exhale than anything. Finch furrows his brows and takes the final step onto the fire escape. Crutchie was still just sitting there and staring, at what? Finch couldn’t be sure, but it didn’t help him feel any less uneasy.

“Nah but for real, what’s going on?”He asked.

“It ain’t important,”Crutchie said after a few beats.

“You’s the only one here ‘sides Elmer who constantly smilin and now you’s lookin all morbid”He said, his face was hard. “If that ain’t important then I don’ know what is”

“I said it ain’t important, Finch. Go back to bed, it’s late”He said. His voice was as sweet as it usually was but something wasn’t right.

“Fine”He said, “I won’t push, but at least let me sit with you. I don’ want you out here alone”

Crutchie laughed mirthlessly, “Why? Cause my gimp leg? I don’t need your pity”

“No”He said slowly, “Cause I care about you”

Crutchie gave a relenting sigh and made room from Finch to sit. It was almost peaceful, the rustling of the leaves, that big ol’ moon staring down at them. It would’ve been peaceful if Crutchie couldn’t feel a pair of eyes staring holes in his neck. He turned to face Finch with a huff, who was indeed staring, and shamelessly at that.

“Why’re you starin?”Crutchie asked, it made his skin crawl.

“Cause you’s still frownin”he said, said it causally too. As if they were discussing the next headline. Crutchie’s face went hot and he felt something inside of him snapped. He turned to fully face Finch and before he knew it his mouth was running.

“How come I can’t frown, huh? How come I can’t look a little morbid? This life ain’t easy for anyone, why do I always gotta be so happy? Is that all ‘m good for? Looking happy for you all? Why does everyone else get to throw their tantrums and bitch but the minute I want my turn I can’t have it without people questioning me!”

His chest was heaving at this point and his hands shaking. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this mad, or even directed his anger towards anyone. He kept his eyes trained on the ground for a few more seconds before slowly lifting them to look at Finch. His face had remained fairly neutral, but his eyes had softened a bit. Crutchie wanted to scream, he knew that look, he knew it too well. He hated that look.

“I ain’t never said it was easy”Finch said, “But it’d maybe be easier if you told me what was goin on-”

“Ain’t nothin goin on!”He snapped, then winced. That was the second time in less than two minutes. “I…’m just tired is all, Finch. Please just go inside...please”

Finch stared at him long and hard. There were so many things he wanted to say--he  _ needed _ to say. That he understood, that he knew what it was like to feel hopeless, like your body couldn’t move. He knew what tired meant. But taking one last look at how  _ drained _ Crutchie was, maybe it didn’t need to be said today.

“Alright Crutch”He said quietly, “See you in the mornin”

“Yeah”

* * *

The first thing Crutchie noticed when he woke up was a pillow under his head, it wasn’t his pillow, he didn’t have one. But feeling the straw shift under him as he moved, it was definitely his bed. It was barely broken in seeing as he spent most of his days with Jack on the roof--back when Jack was here. Now the roof had been vacant for a little over a month, no one dared go up there. It was still an unspoken rule that it belonged to Jack. He groaned as his head started to throb, everything felt a little woozy, like he was swimming through molasses. From the looks of the empty room he could tell he had missed the circulation bell. His heart sunk at the notion, he couldn’t keep his best friend around and now he couldn’t even get up on time to work. Maybe it was for the better, he was selling with Elmer today, he would’ve just slowed him down. He let his body slowly ease against the mattress again, and boy straw had never felt so comfortable. His eyes shut and his mind drifted to a time before all of this change, where Jack was still his best friend, when smiling came easy and things with Finch weren’t so complicated.

* * *

He woke up a few hours later, not feeling any better, but he also didn’t feel any worse so he claimed that as a win. The room pretty much looked the same as earlier, but this time the door was cracked open. He started to sit up but felt a jingling in his pockets and stalled. That was bizarre, he didn’t keep money on him. He reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out three shiny quarters. He rolled them over gently in his hands and felt his mood going sour once again. His chest began to tighten up and tears pricked the corner of his eyes, he was tired of being treated like a charity case. He could earn his keep just like the rest of the boys fair and square. He sat up fully and groaned as tiny spasms shot through his leg, great, this was just what he wanted. He leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed his crutch using it to pull himself up. Once he stopped seeing double, he walked out of the room and carefully down the stairs.

The first thing he noticed was the noise. It was usually more than welcome, he loved seeing his friends so happy. But now, he just wanted to rip his ears off and stuff them in his pocket. His headache--that was starting to fade--was coming back in full force and he groaned softly, squeezing his hand around his crutch. He just wanted it to stop.

The noise was quickly becoming an onslaught of pain against his temples and he just wanted to collapse. He could feel Finch staring at him--he’d become very familiar with the way his eyes felt--but at this point he didn’t care. He turned to walk back upstairs, where things were quiet and made sense. He hadn’t even realized his foot had slipped before a strong arm was hoisting him back up. He let out a squeak and clung to his crutch, desperately trying to ignore the funny feeling in his chest.

“Thank you”He said, he didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.

“Are you okay?”Finch asked. Crutchie resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Barely. 

“ ‘m fine Finch, but again thank you”He said. Finch flashed him a quick smile and they continued walking up the stairs. Great, now he had company. Once they reached the bedroom room Crutchie’s head was clear enough to register the little trinkets laying around. Has it been that long since he’s been in here? He remembers sharing with Elmer,Albert and Race a few years ago, but a bed was missing and that was Finch’s cap laying on the bed opposite to his. Thankfully Elmer’s things were still there but it seemed like Albert and Race had moved out, Race for sure. He groaned again as he lowered himself to sit on the bed.   


“Why’re you still here?”He asked, but quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. “That was rude to say”

“Yeah”Finch smirked, “It was, but I don’ mind. I can handle a little rude”

Crutchie’s face flushed and he nodded. “Yeah, so...why are you here?”

“Did you get the money I left?”

Oh so it was Finch? The blonde felt an increasingly familiar aggravation run a course through his body.

“Yes I did, and I’m giving it back”He said. Before he could jam his hand in his pocket Finch’s hand was around his wrist.

“Crutchie don't,”Finch said quickly. “I wanted to give it to you, and not cause of charity either! We’s supposed to help each other out here like Race been sayin and-”

“I don’t need help”He said, “I just slept in late is all, ‘m fine”   


Finch’s eyes softened in a way that made Crutchie even more angry. “I found you passed out outside, you was cold. You was breathin so slow I thought you was good as dead, and I know how your leg gets when it’s cold so I...don’ be mad at me, please.”

“ ‘m sorry”he whispers, his voice that could easily fill a room had never sounded smaller. “You’s right, I ain’t been myself lately. But I don’ want you takin care of me, can’t let myself get used to it.”He let out a gentle laugh, “ ‘sides, you’s just gonna age out and leave like everyone else does”

Finch nodded and blinked once, then twice. Then once more before a light bulb emerged over his head. “Is this...is this about Jack?”

Crutchie wanted to scream. He wanted to pull at his hair and scream until he felt better, or passed out. Either worked fine for him. He shook his head.

“No”He said. “Jus don’ worry about it, I’ll talk to you if I have a real problem. Alright?”

“Alright,”Finch said, but he looked resigned. “You haven’t eaten anything. It’s still pretty early so the boys and I was gonna see if the nuns got anything”

“I ain’t hungry”He said. Finch laughed, a real one too.

“Ain’t hungry?”he parroted, “You’s got to be kiddin me”

“ ‘m not”Crutchie shrugged, “tired too, real tired. I think i’ll turn in for now”

“Crutchie you need to eat”he pressed.

“We’s newsies”Crutchie huffed, “Wouldn’t be the first time not eatin”

“Cru-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Finch”

Finch sighed but nodded anyways. “I’ll see you tomorrow”

* * *

It was not the next day when Crutchie next woke up, or maybe it was? The only thing he could see was the moon shining through those moth eaten poor excuse for curtains. He paused for a second, when had he gotten so snippy? He sat up and felt something jostle next to him, he grabbed it and froze. It was an apple, a shiny red one, no bruises or nothing. It wasn’t the kind you stole, it was the kind you bought. He went to put it to the side but was stopped by the sound of someone clearing their throat. His head snapped up to the source of the sound and there was Finch standing in the doorway. He shut the door behind him and made his way to Crutchie’s bed taking a seat.

“What are you-”

“Eat it.”He said, his voice was cold. Crutchie went to speak but he shushed him, “You know I gots the patience of the saint but you,  _ you _ test it in particular” the consonants in particular were punctured through gritted teeth.

“How am I already in trouble”Crutchie said, in awe. “I jus woke up”

“Because I-I can’t just sit here and watch you destroy yourself!”He exploded, “ ‘m tryin to be patient and give you time but I can’ just sit here and let you do this to yourself!”

“And who cares?”Crutchie laughed.

“I care!”He almost shouted, he paused to make sure Elmer was still asleep. “You may think I jus noticed but you've been doin this for  _ weeks _ . Ever since Jack left and Race took over you ain’t been right”

“This is none of your business”Crutchie said, but that seemed to fire Finch up even more.

“It may not have started as my business but seeing you wasting away like you ain’t got folks that care about you made it my business”

“Folks who care about you don’ just get a beau and leave!”Crutchie shouted. 

There it was.

There was the big secret he’d been trying to keep.

He was lonely and jealous and it was eating away at him until only this was left.

“It was me and Jack first”he cracked, his eyes watery. “It was me and him...but people jus keep comin along and it’s like I don’ exist no more”

Finch’s eyes softened and he nodded, “So this was about Jack”

“I ain’ had one good conversation with him since I been back from that hell”He said, roughly wiping the tears from his eyes. “He said we was family, that I’s the brother he never had. I tried to hold on, to be happy. But he left without even saying goodbye, didn let me know where the apartment was, nothin. It hurts Finch, is that what you wanted to hear from me. It fucking hurts”

His resolve broke. He crumpled forward with his head buried in his hands and the tears flowed.

“Oh Crutchie…”Finch whispered, scooting closer to rub his back.

And Crutchie went rigid under his touch, like someone had poured water on a cat. Finch pulled his hand back immediately.

“I-I’m sorry”Finch stuttered, he was making this all worse. Crutchie just cried harder pulling his good leg up to his chest. He didn’t know what to do, he felt powerless.

“You um...you feel abandoned, don’t you?”He continued. Crutchie rubbed at his eye and shook his head.

“That’s a strong word”   


“It’s a strong feeling”Finch countered, “What Jack did ain’t right, I’d be mad at him too”

Crutchie finally lifted his head and Finch got the chance to see how truly broken he was. Sorrow looked harrowing in Crutchie’s eyes, like your worst nightmare came true. They were open and vulnerable but they were dull,lifeless. Like someone had taken a piece of charcoal and shaded over the vibrant hazel until nothing was left.

“I ain’t mad at ‘im”he said, he cleared his throat. “I can’ be, ‘m mad at the world I guess. I ain’t got no future, ain’t gonna get no beau...don’ no one want a dumb crip anyways”

Finch flinched at those words. “Don’ say that about yourself”

“Why?”He laughed, “It’s what everybody’s thinkin, It’s what people call me, it’s what I am Finch. My name is Crutchie-”

“Your name ain’t Crutchie”Finch snapped. “It’s a stupid nickname, I don’ know what your name is but it ain’t Crutchie”

“I ain’t mad about it”He repeated, “It’s a newsie nickname, part of life”

“Just…”Finch started and groaned in frustration, “Life may be different for you, but you ain’t gotta be so hopeless. There are things you could do”

“Things I could do?”He repeated, “Like what?”

Finch fell silent. He picked his brain for something to say but kept falling short.

“Exactly”He said, “The day I turn eighteen, ‘m screwed. Don’t go fillin my head with dreams, this is reality.”

“...then let me make it better until you leave”

“What?”he said.

“Let me make these next few years better for you”Finch said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “How?”he asked, “Gonna wave yer hand and make all my problems go away?”   


“Let me take care of you”Finch said softly, “This ain’ comin from no place of pity, it’s comin from my heart”

“Yeah”He snorted, “Yeah so you could just leave like Jack did an’ forget about me? Not gonna happen”

Finch narrowed his eyes.

“I ain’ Jack”He snapped, “I...I ain’ gonna do that to you, Crutchie I couldn’ do that to you. I know you don’ understand and I don’ even understand but I...I care about you, more than I should”

“More than JoJo?”Crutchie said, raising a brow. 

“More than JoJo”Finch confirmed, “I like bein with you, you’s sweet and take a lot more shit than anyone here and you do it with a smile. I wanna make you smile again”

“It ain’ gonna be that easy”He huffed, “ ‘m a little screwed up if you couldn’t tell, ain’t just gonna start smilin cause you says so”

Finch winced. “I know, I ain't word that right. I want to be there for you--not cause I pity you or nothin! It’s not...I…”

Finch felt his own eyes start to sting a little but he quickly wiped them. “Don’ tell none of the boys but, I’ve felt like how um...how Eagle felt.”

“Really?”he said. He had since shifted his body so he was facing Finch. The tension in the room felt thick, but this was a conversation it seemed neither of them could avoid.

“Yeah”Finch said, “Felt used,abandoned,like I ain’t had nothin left to live for, like the world was bleak. I know it’s not somethin you wanna go through alone and I...I wish I had people who understood”

“Do you still feel that way now?”Crutchie asked. Finch wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded rapidly.

“Yeah”he breathed, “It don’ really go away, but it does get easier. So I  _ know _ Crutchie, and I ain’t gonna pity you or treat you different. Just please, let me be nice to you”

Crutchie was silent for a few beats.

“And what if that stops?” it was said so quietly that it could have been chalked up to the wind.

“Huh?”Finch said, leaning closer.

“What if that stops?”he repeated, “ ‘m tired of gettin a taste of somethin good and gettin it ripped away from me. Maybe...maybe good things just don’ happen to me” it was said as a joke but fell terribly short cause he just stared. Crutchie once again squirmed under his gaze.

“Or maybe you been lookin for good things in the wrong people”he said, shifting the tiniest bit closer. “Look I ain’ callin Jack the devil or even making excuses for him. But when Jacks mind is on something he wants, he can barely look at the world around him. His mind is on Davey, and it’s gonna be on Davey for a while because that’s his somethin good. He wanted Davey for months and just got him so he’s in lovey dovey land right now, his heads up in the clouds”

“How come Spot and Race ain’ like that then?”Crutchie asked.

“They may have just gotten together but they’ve had each other’s hearts for years”he said, “Theys like an old married couple”

Crutchie ndoded, that made sense. There was never really a time when it wasn’t the two of them against the world, beaus or not.

“ ‘m sorry for being so morbid”Crutchie winced, “ ‘m happy for them, I really am. I just don’ even know why ‘m acting this way. I been pushed from door to door for years, you’d think I been used to this”

“Because you thought he was going to be here forever”he said, “I don’t blame you, he left suddenly. No one expected him to leave, so don’t blame yourself either”

At this point he had gotten close enough to touch the blonde’s hand, he smiled when it wasn’t ripped away. He ran his thumb over the back of his hand and felt his heart begin to blossom.

“How’d you get so wise?”He said.

“Because Eagle was my best friend.”Finch said softly, “I know how it feels to lose a friend, but you ain’ lost Jack yet. It’s a misunderstanding, you two can work this out”

“Well where does that leave you?”he asked, he took the initiative to link their hands and god was Finch always this warm? Even on a dreary November night he still felt like Summer.

“In limbo”Finch joked, but he squeezed his hand. “I aint tryin to take Jacks place, Crutch. ‘m just tryin to be closer to you, everyone needs someone”

“You’s too nice”Crutchie said, “gonna get hurt”

“I already been hurt”he snorted, “just didn’ let it make me bitter”

“Is it um true that...Eagle he...”Crutchie said carefully. He didn’t want to be insensitive, but it was the question every Newsie wanted to answer for since he went missing.

“Jumped in the river”finch finished, “yeah...yeah it’s true”

“I’m so sorry Finch”

“Yeah, me too”Finch said, “Which is why I’m stressing that you can fix this with Jack, you still got time”

“I will”he whispered, “I just...I can’t think about this no more”

“Yeah”Finch nodded, wiping his own eyes. “Yeah I get it, we should get to bed”

“Can you stay”Crutchie said quickly, “I...I think tonight we both need someone”

“I’ll stay”he nodded, “make room”

The two did their best to get comfy, but twin beds were only so big. It took some adjusting, Finch was hellbent on not bumping Crutchie’s bad leg, so it ended up thrown over his hip. He’d never imagined this is how his night would end, it never even crossed his mind that this could happen. But the way Crutchie buried his face in his chest and clung to the fabric of his undershirt...it made his heart do somersaults like it worked for the circus. Once he was sure that the blonde was asleep, he pulled away a bit to get a look at his face. He was still frowning a bit, but his eyes weren’t screwed shut like they were earlier.

“You’re worth so much, Crutch. Even them shiny diamonds out west don’t compare. Don’ let no tell you otherwise” when he got no response he sighed in relief. “I know it ain’t the right time, and that this stupid crush should wait. But you’s special Crutch, got this smile that lights up the whole place, you’s so damn special...”

He looked at their hands still intertwined and smiled, a one the boys had never seen before. “I’ll save this smile for you, if you save that sweet face for me, Crutch. We’re gonna be alright, I promise. Just hold on a little bit longer.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this. please leave a comment if you did!


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